We are used to perceiving empathy as an obvious virtue, but it has a dark side. Overly pronounced ability to sympathize and empathize becomes dangerous. How not to harm yourself and others, find a balance and develop emotionally rational empathy?
I believe in the power of empathy – the ability to put myself in the place of another, to see and feel someone else's inner world. This is an integral part of emotional intelligence, which makes us responsive.
Thanks to this ability, people understand each other better, but too developed empathy becomes dangerous. Sometimes it reaches an extreme degree, up to the
point that a person can harm himself and others. In the special literature, this condition is usually called hyperempathy and associated with a borderline personality disorder (PRL).
This is how this is described in one of the articles: “Some people with PRL are extremely susceptible to other people's involuntary mental reactions and conditions, but at the same time they are unable to correlate this information with sustainable ideas about themselves and others inherent in healthy interpersonal relations”.
In other words, they show abnormal empathy, because of this pathological inclinations and unhealthy relations develop.
However, in order to become a victim of empathy, it is not necessary to suffer from personality disorder. The so -called “trap of empathy” is in wait for many – when close emotional contact leads to physical and psychological fatigue.
According to the study, nurses working with incurably patients are especially at risk of losing compassion. This is defined as “a combination of physical, emotional and spiritual exhaustion, associated with the care of morally oppressed, physically exhausted patients”. People serving helpless people often forget about their own needs, and this is a direct path to burnout.
However, an empathy trap is much closer. The research center Pyu found that social networks increase the level of stress, users pay a lot of attention to the problems of network friends, constantly read about other people's tragedies. With the development of digital technologies, we get such information much faster, it has become too accessible.
In other words, those who do not observe measures and stuck for a long time in the zone of exposure to other people's troubles, awaits severe stress, emotional depression and a number of health problems.
Emotionally reasonable empathy
Several practical tips will help to develop it.
1. At work
When a person is completely laid out at work, not far from burning out. This can be avoided if you take short breaks for relaxation more often. As an option, talk with the employer or colleagues about the redistribution of tasks and duties, so that everyone has an uniform workload.
2. At home
Suppose a spouse is returning home out of sorts, but you didn't ask you either. There is simply no strength to support and sympathy, in this case it’s good to say, for example: “Unfortunate day? I understand, I also have everything somersault. Let's rest a little, order something delicious. Maybe we’ll take a walk later and talk about everything ".
This reaction reflects your condition and takes into account the state of the partner. To express it with words, you will need a couple of seconds, the next few hours and days depend on them.
3. At leisure
Try to track how much time you spend on social networks. In addition, give yourself an answer how you feel after that? Doesn't it seem that an emotional emptiness is felt every time? If so, it's time to set a limit for the use of devices. Make a timer and plan something important to make motivation to close the page. Empathy helps to build a strong relationship with people only when you do not waste yourself.
Everyone who flew by plane knows the rule: first they put on an oxygen mask on themselves, then on a neighbor. Otherwise there will be little use from you. If you understand your emotions and needs and are reasonably consuming resources, then you can bring more benefits to the rest.